Defending the Spheres

Nobody steals my chicks

The Black Crow, AKA the dread pirate James Black Crowe, returned from plundering the Demi plane Treecrown to send for help carrying the treasure back.

He was feeling needy, afterall, his new pet moonsilver was lost somewhere in the woods of that wooded demirealm, and his First mate, love of his life Lorae was safely tucked away on the Star runner.

The air in the abandoned citidel felt stale compared to the gentle breeze of Treecrown. Perhaps he would retire one day with a harem of female Elvan concubines… Little did the others realize, but the master of Treecrown could control time in that realm. He could live quite comfortably there for a long time he suspected.

That shriveled up now dwarven wizard also had a spell of cloning. he could live vicariously through himself for many years to come if he wanted to, all he would need to do is master the magical arts required.

It was unfortunate then that he met Longbeard and Macradar outside the portal to treecrown. It was even more unfortunate when they told him that the scrow had paid them a visit and brought 3 fast ships, one of which was a giff breat bombard, and even MORE unfortunate that Longbeard had lost his Woman, Lorae in the chaos.

Yoojimbo had elected to stay behind and guard the treasure from would be thieves. so the Captain and his remaining servants set out to slaughter the scro, every last one of them.

After searching part of the mines, it was evident that his counterpart Captain Tobart was still alive and using his magic to Polymorph the attacking scro and his own crew into large creatures to kill them, and stop them from pursuing. Despite his fears, he did not see Lorae among the fallen.

Satisfied that she was safe for the time being, he guided his crew upwards again, into the castle proper so that the slaughter of scro could begin again.

His disguise making himself appear as bestial as his attackers was near flawless. Being unable to speak their abhorant langauge however made his disguise of limited use, but it did allow him to penetrate enemy lines and attack from behind while his crew assaulted from the front.

Atleast 30 scro had fallen, but he know there would probably close to 100 more, not including the Giff. His only chance was to divide these two forces….

One day to live
and an eternity in Hell

With the Firbolg guardians down, and a large swath of death created by the Bane of all that is Sentient, The captain rushes for the entrance to the great tree, rejoining his companions.

Bereft of most meaningful magic, damaged, and an army of elves and centaurs behind them, the three humans climb their way up the gigantic miles high tree knowing they face certain death at the hands of a Dragon, the Dwarven wyvern guard, the last Firbolg, an evil wizard and even their own priest Holveg.

But Thor has provided for them. Yojimbo prepared a feast for heroes that morning, and they took their fill. Thor took all fear away from them, for fear has no place in glorious battle. He then further severed their weakness of flesh, rendering them immune to poison, for deceit also has no place in glorious battle.

When they traveled up the winding stairs to their doom, they stood before a trap laid by an evil green dragon.

Ferinai, a magical claymore which had gained a liking to Cervantes, who purpose was to exterminate Evil dragons informed them of a trap. Instead of the beast surprising the captain, he surprised it! Cervantes rended the illusion hiding the dragon null, and Captain Crowe Fired his Arquebus, putting out the dragons right eye!

Stuned by the reversal of events, the Giant green breathed a cloud of poisonous gas assuming it would destroy his enemies. When the billous green clouds cleared, James fired again sending another volley into the scaley green reptile with his magical rifle, inflicting more pain.

When it landed to instill fear in them, and pick them apart piecemeal, the Black Crows blades met him instead.

Such was the Awesome power of Thor, that this Slayer of men could do no harm, and was hacked to bits By James and Yojimbo.

In the dragons lair they discovered a horrid weapon designed solely to slay dwarves. Its majestic design belied its malignant magical abilities however. A Hybrid short-blade of both Elven and dwarven craftsmanship. The weapons beauty was unique. But even a single touch to any dwarf would render them to ash.

Next awaited an army of 100 dwarves. They too were cut down, when Yojimbo sethimself aflame, and rushed into them, allowing Cervantes to possess the fires and expand them to slaughter yet more sentient beings with cruel efficiency.

The Evil wizards defenses remained however. and their final test before confronting the wizard would be to face Holveg and the last Firbolg.

The fighting that ensued left Yojimbo, agent of Thor, locked in magical paralysis separated by cervantes and Crowe by a wooden door.

The wizard reared his ugly head when his firbold champion was dead. he sent holveg forth to do battle with the captain, but holveg broke free of his curse when the wizard demanded he turn upon his former Captain. in a final bid for surival, he sent his remaining guardians, a dozen gargoyles to cut them to pieces while he attempted to crush the captain with his magic.

But while he did so, he under estimated Cervantes and Holveg, and was unable to finish off Yojimbo behind the door. By using the evil wizards own spells against him, Cervantes defeated nine of the stone abominations by himself, while holveg and Yojimbo (once the magical paralysis wore off) relentlessly chased down the Elf that was, and hacked him to pieces.

Face with ultimate defeat, the vile sorcerer made to flee. But Cervantes had not enough blood this day, and so one final soul would be added to his toll. with a flick of his finger, his ring of the ram released a shock wave of destructive force shattering all the bones in his body before he could make good on his escape.

The Katana of Thor
and Cervantes the Sentient slayer

YoJimbo, Katana wielding specialty priest of Thor has been sent on a mission by his God, Thor, to help the dread pirate captain Crowe and his slave Cervantes in rescuing a priest of Odin, presumably to garner favor for the fate touched Dwarven priest.

Through a series of Harrowing trials to reach the Tree Crown, the three brave souls evade the enslaved Dwarven Wyvern riders seeking them by following the signal flares of elven trackers, finally shaking them when Moonsilver leads many off through the woods away from the Captain, using flares of her own, and the captains clever plan to use Lup to draw out and slay the elves signaling his position to them. They then run their way through a Sylvan Village in order to lessen the casualties until they are they forced to fight their way through 2 Firbolgs and an onrushing army of centaurs and elven archers.

Cervantes shows his true nature as Slayer of all sentient beings by unleashing the elements, scorching, and electrifying scores of centaurs, elves and a firbold.

James Crowe has been secretly learning Magic unbeknownst to his companions, and tricks the onrushing centaur horde to slay the other Firbold.

Yojimbo shows his masterful power by fending off the Firbolg attackers trying to crush the murderous rage of cervantes.

Behold, Tree Crown
First Impressions make lasting ones

Deep within the treasure vault of the Shattered Forge, guarded by a vile malephant, lay a portal to the mystical demi plane of Tree Crown.

Captain Crowe might be a ladies man, but when it comes to talking to Centaur men, he has no game.

A Tense meeting while the captain was Nude, turned violent when he decided to Oil up with a magical salve that caused women to fall madly in love with him. Three Firbolgs, and 20 centaurs, and some elves die when they press in to remove the pirates from their realm.

Crowe succeeds in bewitching a young elf named Moonsilver, who (nominally) aids the party.

Holveg is abducted by wyvern riding dwarves after he is brought low by their crushing offense.

Tradegy in soulspace

Soulspace. The action is dead here…. Literally. Apparently some souls from some far off plane of existence got booted from the heavens. I guess their Gods died or something and their eternal resting place disintegrated as a result. Anyway, this whole sphere is populated with the indifferent dead of an entire pantheon. Which would be fine if they were still corporeal, but they aint, and their treasures aint either. So they suck.

Anyway there were these pirates of Gith, terrorizing the few living souls in this sphere. They made their home out of an abandoned dwarven forge call “”/campaign/defending-the-spheres/wikis/shattered-forge" class=“wiki-page-link”>Shattered Forge"

Ole Tobart the Beholder in Hiding decides we gots to have some magic device of doomsday weapon detecting, so he dumps us on this rock to do what pirates do best (he neglected to mention the pirates were pirates of gith… aka Cannibal space faring githyanki, minus the silver swords it seems)

So we storm the citadel… funny, I guess the Gith never set off the dwarven traps, on account of being able to travel through the Astral (Cervantes later educated me that this could not possibly be the case, since exact astral to prime plane translations are difficult, if not impossible)

We break the dwarf traps, get into a nasty scrap with the Gith. They nearly kill me. They drop Cervantes and No Beard (Holveg). Then that young elf lass whom I remind myself to bed later rushes in and heroically drags them out of the shit while I face down 3 of them bleeding all over the floor. Cervantes gets of a lucky fireball, interrupting their spell casting, giving me the opportunity to skewer two. The last one, the Captain, escapes to the Astral.

Meanwhile All hell breaks loose outside in the void. The Gith captured an Elvan manowar and where using it to smash our galleon to pieces. In a hail of stones and ballista fire, Their captain existed only as a bloody mist upon their deck, but so did Roselyn, done in by a collapsed mast. After losing their captain, the Pirates escape to the astral, leaving us to mourn our fallen.

I have set aside Roselyns body, in hopes of finding a means to resurrection. I’m certain she would make a fitting consort and loyal servant should she find her way back to the living.

Holveg feels certain there is lingering riches here in this “Shattered forge”, and indeed he has found some long since abandoned secret passages in the dwarven citadel, They are trapped well, so our hopes remain high that what tobart seeks is here, or some trinkets we might keep ourselves!

Beholder farts
They smell

I have my doubts about tobart. I haven’t brought it up to him(but really how do you bring this up?), but I think he’s a beholder! Now I’ve prided myself on being a level headed pirate, but beholders make for bad business partners… For starters they don’t cooperate with their own kind, and view the rest of us as food.

You’d think that would disqualify them from my list of buisiness partners right there! Not true. I can think of plenty of partners in crime that would eat me given the right circumstances! Mind flayers are perfectly reasonable individuals. I take it as a compliment when a flayer wants to eat my brain while we talk shop, just don’t play cards with them!. Neogi are another example. Just because they have a taste for sentients doesn’t make them all bad!

See beholder are bad because they are arrogant, And because it’s justified. Disintigrators, death rays, petrification to name a few. Even if you could deal with their godlike egos, and Titan like temper tantrums, you can’t get past their bad breath. Do you know what 3 week old Orc smells like? Without a hand to pick the bits out, it just hangs from their slobbering mouths.

But the worst part? Their gas! They are constantly moving around by farting! See contrary to common thought, beholders don’t levitate by their magic. Otherwise they’d fall down when they look at each other. They eat the rankest meat they can find, the fatter the better. And somehow they float on it. Imagine your entire crew were bug bears, and they all eat nothing but beans. Then imagine they pinned you down, and farted on you nonstop till they go pass out from drinking what passes for swill amongst them…. That would smell better than the pervasive stink of a beholder.

Travel to double space

[exert from the diary of Lorae]

It has been over two years since I began my hew life as a slave. First enslaved by the artuuk, who took myself and other other 2 helmsman captive to pilot their own ships, and used the rest of our crew as incubators for their own young…Life was brutal during this time,I watched my friends grow weaker every day until these plantlike monstrosities burst from my former shipmates ending their lives, while I was forced to pilot the Artuuk ships during their own pirate raids. I curse myself sometimes for not ending my own life, rather than help these evil plant creatures maraud on behalf of our hated enemy, the Orc Scro.

I was ‘rescued’ by the infamous captain James black crowe. He is a captivating man (both literally and figuratively), and while he plays at being cutthroat, he has a good streak in him that gives me hope that he will one day do right thing and set me free, for surely he does not need an Iron collar to keep me near!

It has been a few months now that we have been fleeing the scro of gamaro base. We have escaped with a man by the name of captain tobart, and his peculiar assortment of crew.

James, my erstwhile captor and lover, believes his first mate a golem, and his crew to be polymorphed creatures, and that captain Tobart himself to be some powerful inhuman wizard unaccustomed Hunan custom.

I must admit, there are indeed irregularities in the ships construction…it is a galleon, a earthbound ship used primarily by land bound men and elves for sailing a terrestrial worlds seas, but the rudder doesn’t work,being that it is carved from the ship itself, sails too week for sailing the ocean, and a minor helm situated the ships bow, open to the hostile predations of wild space… Even our sleeping quarters are peculiar. Square beds, and coat hangers too high up upon the wall. It seems as if someone has constructed this ship by the description of a human, but never having traveled with one himself. What is truly disturbing is the Beholder orbus in the ships cargo hold.

Tobart himself claims he knows nothing about it. He claims he purchased the ship from elves and he never looked! (Preposterous, let me assure you. An elf would never take a grounding Galleon into space, and if we did, it certainly would not have an Orbus in the basement!)

James has decided to let it lie for the moment, for he claims that whomever Tobart really is , is of no import to us, as he’s worked for far far worse in his life.

As for me, life has been undignified but pleasant for the most part. My ‘Master’ claims he lost the keys to the collar and shackles that have adorned me since my rescue from the Fish barrel, and our subsequent escape from Gamaro base. I have grown accustomed to my garish jewelry (and he does so live my collar and leash in bed), but I was able to convince Longbeard to sever the chains on my wrists. I was unwilling to to let him bring his axe too close to my neck, so the length of chain making up my collar will have to stay.

James tends to me well, however there is another elf girl aboard this ship, a Mercenary named Roselyn. She is an elf playing at being human. I can see the way this woman looks at my Master, and I will have none of it! I shall not play second fiddle to this dirtkicker Elven Orphan. I know its a ruse to steal him from me. training with him to ‘Stay in practice’ or to ‘Pass the time’. Its just the sort of whore the captain plays with too. I know the captain will have other woman, he even told me and I agreed to it!

This girl whore will learn her place! She will not seduce my James!

I'm not your monkey!

Captain saving universe

Whats this multiverse coming to? First I have to do the dirty work for the elves, now I have to save my home sphere Double Space from some dooms day space ship called the ravager. I’d like to see the ravager just try to take out some planets in Double space, but I’m more worried the Lich King or the Cougar would take control of this weapon. Then we’d have some real problems.

I’m a PIRATE! I want to rape, pillage, and plunder my way to glory! I want to drink rum, Sell slaves, and bury my treasure on hidden asteroids.

What happened to all the Heroes? Did I miss some memo? I swear when I’m done taking care of the galaxies problems, I’m gonna put these elves in chains, and sell the men to the neogi, and make babies with their women.

No wonder Heroes are always sticks in the mud. Nobody pays for good deeds done!

This galleon looks nice, I’m not much for dirt kicker space craft, but it will have to do. This Captain Tobart worries me a little. I think we might wait for another ship to pass us by and take theirs instead of his. I don’t have a good feeling about trying to commandeer his vessel.

Escape from Gamaro

Escape from gamaro

“Sir!” the willowy elf came rushing into the room,gasping for air.

Silanos, Assistant to the High admiral of the elven fleet of the known spheres, looked up from the reports he’d been studying. A flicker of annoyance crossed his features, he didnt have time to spare, the Skirmishes with the scro had threatened to become a full out war.

To make matters worse, he’d been duped by the notorious Pirate Captain, James Crow, aka “The Black Crow”, into thinking he and his marooned band were the fantastic heroes of legend who crewed the Ragnarok and defeated a Neogi Deathspider, saving the newly founded elven Agri world of Moondew.

Nothing could farther from the Truth however. The Black Crow was in fact in the employ of the Crime Lord Jarvik the Red, the head of the Neogi Syndicate that had been turned back at Moondew.

If the rumors were true, Crowe was raised by Jarvik, the Hell-spawned spider owed some great debt the man.

Captain James Crowe, and his band of pirates were the ones He’d sent to divine the nature of the Scro Super Weapon. These ruffians were more likely to work WITH the scro than against them.

Silanos quickly regained his composure, and looked up, “Yes, Ensign Sif, what is it?”

“Sir, one of the spies we sent to the provide assistance to..James Crow,” He paused only the slightest of instants, realizing this was still a sore subject to Silanos, “was able to transmit data to our listening post in Morag Space.”

Now this WAS worth his time…“Go on”

“The Captain of the Squid-ship Rum Stealer, reported seeing Crowe Swimming through space towards a galleon named the Star runner. He was able to Escape Gamaro base during the Chaos the captain had created, and get this message to us.”

“Apparently there was an … Altercation between a War Priest named Morkitar and his Man at arms Mahkradar… which resulted in the dracon slaughtering a great deal of Scro”

Silanos Chuckled sadly, “Atleast those pirates did us some good before the scro killed them… Better they die than assist the scro against us!”

“Th-thats just it sir… They didnt die!” Sif hurried on excitedly, “Not only did the Dracon rampage around killing scro. The Black Crow and his men rescued an elf captain, AND cut the heart out of Gamaro Base! They killed Commander Urkutz, his command staff, and put the torch to most of the Scro Compound!”

WHAT!?” Silanos stood up incredulous at this last point, “I TOLD THEM TO GET INFORMATION, NOT ASSASSINATE SCRO BASE COMMANDERS!”

“I know sir, but begging your pardon sir, maybe they did better than that? Maybe they got the information you wanted, and burned whatever they couldnt take… Maybe this Captain Crow is some sort of Hero… They say he slew their commander in Single combat, fending off Urkutz and his body guards all at once! I hear he then snuck back on his own ship, right past the High priest Morkitar, rescued his Elf Wench,-”

WOMAN Sif, Elven women are NOT wenches”

“Sorry sir, rescued his elf woman, and sprung his crew from jail before making his escape!” The entire scro base is in Disarray, they wont be able to mount a decide offensive against us for months,-"

“Enough! Find me The Black Crow, NOW!!!”

Ensign Sif’s terrified form disapeared from his room quickly, without being dismissed. It took a moment before Silanos realized he had crumpled several of the documents in his grip, and with effort released them, and took several deep breaths to calm down. Maybe this was the chance the elves were searching desperately for.

The new 'First Mate'

The first mate 2
Lorae shivered in the fish barrel, stifling a cough as she heard footsteps. This was the second time she had been in this barrel. Just hours earlier the captain had returned to the ship to release her from barel and had his way with her. The Captain was most certainly not a moral man, nor was he the cleanest. But he WAS a likable man, and he DID rescue her and save her life from the Scro.

Shortly after she’d rinsed the stink of the fish from her, and later the captain. Mahkradar and some Giff dullard had come to the ship, explaining that they’d just escaped from the Scro Prison. Naturally the James was furious, and so was Lorae. For Any trouble for the Black Crowe and his crew meant the Fish Barrel for her.

She wished she was aboard the dauntless again with her fellow Elves rather than be concubine to this human Pirate, but he was a far cry better than the alternatives. First the War mongering plant people that had killed the crew of the Dauntless, and enslaved its helmsman. He saved her from that fate. Now he had protected her from the Scro of Gamaro base who’d just run the First and third helmsmen through. Despite the collar and manacles, he DID dote on her, and paid a great deal to her needs as they were.

Pirate he was, a despicable smelly human he was, and for some reason, utterly likable without even trying.

The barrel lid was pried open again. She braced for the end. When the Scro found her, She’d be raped, tortured, then killed. She hid in the brine, under the fish. A hand reached in, grabbed her leash and pulled her up.

Only there was no hand, or body holding belonging to the hand! Familiar arms encircled her and a rough kiss was placed upon her lips.

“James!” she whispered, “Whats going on?”

He kissed her again, and she pushed him away long to squeek “Now’s not the time!”

“You’ve never complained too much before!”

“You seduced me,” she shivered out.

“For two months?”

Anger flashed in her eyes, and the color returned to her cheeks, “You’ve obviously had a lot of experience”

“We are being hunted by the scro, I’ve come to rescue you.”

“Thank the gods. I’m sorry I doubted you… Its just I didnt figure you for the type…”

“No, Thank me! And I always take care of my women.”


“The others meant nothing to me, I swear! Listen I want you be my woman, no matter how this turns out.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Not too much no, but dont I always treat you well?”

“You’ve already had your way with me, whats it matter what I say?”

“Just answer the question wench!”

Lorae exhaled, shaking her head, apparently the captain found her likable too. Two could play this game, “Are you really on a mission from the elven High command?”

“Yep. The pays shit though.”

A single Laugh escaped her lips, “Aye, it is. Complete the mission and see to MY needs first, and I’ll consent”

“Done, I’ll complete the mission. But I’m a free spirit milady, what if another woman has desires set upon me?”

“Nay Captain, MY needs first. AND I want new clothes, on a regular basis. Some Jewels, nothing ostentatious, dont be cheap though. I know you are a man of low moral character , so I wont ask what you cant provide, BUT I will expect you keep your whores out my bed. In fact keep them out of my room altogether. MY needs first Captain!”

“Of course Lorae, anything you want…”

“Your word, James.”

A long moment passed before he choked out , “I give you my word,”

“Good, Then I will be your ‘First mate’,” She pulled him closer, “Now how do we get out of here?”


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